Just Another Mediocre Blog.

Drowning

2010-06-23T22:27:00.001-07:00

These past few days life has really started getting to me.

No horrible tragedy has befalled me. Its just the million little things that seem to destroy me. Im so tired of work. The job i love. I am so content when i'm creating something. The tap tap tap of the blade striking the cutting board is soothing. I drift into my own little world as i chop away at bell pepper after bell pepper Its peacefull. Until someone comes and interrupts my wonderfull little utopia. To tell me a story i could care less about, to ask me to do some menial task that they are too lazy to do. Im just so tired of the politics. My mind screams for me to tell them to leave me alone and let me work. But the words that escape my lips are always polite and friendly. A certain co-worker seems to be the main reason i dread work lately. She's a senior airmen who hasnt even gone through adls yet. But, she thinks that she can pull rank on me. Honey, i dont respect staffs so why in gods name would i listen to you? If it was a reasonable request i would do it without a second thought. But its only the stuff she is too lazy to do herself. And its not even the task sometimes its how she asks. For example today: "Airman Herrington, Go sweep and mop the office. After all you contributed to the mess the most." First off, i had been on the floor all day. I was prepping my items since six am. I didnt even go in the office to check my email. However she had been in there bullshitting on her cell phone all day... i did it without complaint. And i didnt even recieve a thank you. Thats the shit that really pisses me off. Youre a airman just like me but act as though youre a god damn chief.

Enough of my whining. I feel like a middle school girl crying about my life like that.

Its time to drown my sorrows with my favorite O-3

Dancing Nancies...

2010-05-19T20:04:00.001-07:00

I'm in one of those moods again. Tired, stressed, and frustrated with life. Cigarette hits my lips and the smooth taste of menthol fills my lungs. Breath in.... Breath out... Ahhhh. Dave plays softly in the background. His words swirl around my head stirring up thoughts i would normally try to keep at bay. Thoughts of that summer in San Diego. My mind begs to know who i would be if i just stayed at home that summer. "Could i have been anyone other than me?" Flows from the speakers and stirs up even more thoughts in my mind. Where would i be if i never signed my life away? I think of all the bridges i've burned and all the people i've let down over the years. With each thought i slip further into self-loathing and closer and closer towards another bout with depression. "I am who I am, I am who I am, Who am I?" A question i keep asking myself. What is my purpose? What have I become? Could I have been a dancing nancy?

It's time for sleep.

Lets pray tomorrows a better day...

Life As I See It.

2010-05-12T12:10:00.001-07:00

After almost completely ignoring this blog for a year i decided it was time to post once again. Sorry for the delay. Life got busy.

Lately i have found myself thinking about who i am. Its a question i ask myself often. So much in my life has changed in the past 365 days that it makes finding an answer next to impossible. In the past year alone i joined the airforce, went through more relationships than the other eighteen years combined, gotten three tattoos, and grown physically and emotionally. On july sixth of 2009 i was just some punk eighteen year old kid about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. I was immature in so many ways. I thought that a girlfriend of six months was my biggest priority in life. I thought that i had all the answers. I believed that i was the biggest and baddest motherfucker god ever placed on the earth. On july seventh at zero three hundred all that changed. In the eight weeks of basic military training I learned that i knew nothing, that i was just a cog in the machine that makes the military go round. I learned that some punk ass eighteen year old kid with hippie long hair had no place in this world but as a wal-mart bagboy. I grew up in those eight weeks. I lost that youthfull innocence. Every day i had it pounded in my head that i was no longer a child and that it was my time to become a man. I left the 326th training squadron with my head held high and the drive to be the best airman there ever was. And then the next i rolled up to the 344trs and my world was rocked once again. After eight weeks of not having any freedom. Not having the ability to urinate without standing at attention and asking permission we were suddenly let free upon the world. I went wild with my new found freedom. I partied hard, did my fair share of whoring it up, got my first tattoo, and got right back into the habit of smoking and chewing. Unfortuntilly when i left the 344th i didnt leave my mindset with me. I showed up to cheyenne wyoming with dexter and walked off that plane with no idea of what i had just signed up for. Wyoming was in the middle of a blizzard that weekend so dexter and i holed up in the dorms until monday when we had to report to our duty stations. My first day at work i felt so lost. it was almost as if i had learned nothing in tech school at all. But being the quick learner that i am i put my whole heart into becoming a good airman. That did not last so long. I got bored and fell back into the game of chasing women. This lasted for a few months. I then met katie and fell hard. I guess i am just attracted to crazy women or something. That relationship lasted barely three months. After it ended and she deployed i was lost i fell right back into the party scene. I was at the lowest point of my life until about two months ago. I discovered the gym and fell in love with it. It became my new passion. I met my new twp best friends watts and logan. They keep me out of trouble and occupied. I am learning more and more about myself each day. I still have not completely found myself but im gettin there. And everyday im closer to a answer.

A Poem Painted On A Tear Stained Canvas

2009-06-10T21:09:00.001-07:00

So tired of the same issues.
New names are continually drawn,
But the promises of change broken and gone.
Has it been this bad all along?
Or have my eyes finally been able to see,
The lack of trust you have in me?
If you promise you love me through and through,
Then shouldn't you believe what I say is true?
You would think that four months in,
We wouldn't be facin the same problem yet again.
But Trust seems to elude me
This lack of faith binds and confides.
I don't know what i have said or done,
To make it so impossible for your trust to be won.
Why is this misery so abundant
One month left and each week holds a new fight
We are lost in this dark cave...
Where is the light?
Where is the end of this pain?
Where is the light?
Ill search for the light as i paint a poem,
On yet another tear stained canvas.
My thoughts drawn on the page,
help bleed out this rage.
Where is the light?
Wheres the end of this cave?

2009-06-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

Daily Grind

2009-05-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

Just waistin time
just treadin water
My wheels are spinnin
but i am not movin
Forever running in place
I am confined
By this daily grind.
This repition is murder
The same old routine
confines me binds me
I feel trapped
No way to break the normal
So its Music to get me through
Wear a smile to cover this bruise
Life has me beat down
No just to get up
Its over for this round
Every day is but the same
tired of this game
Want to be a someone
Life is leavin me alone
Its seems as though i have noone
People surround me
Yet i could never be more lonely
I watch as relationships fall apart
and bridges are burned
Nothing i can do
I can not wait to leave
To start new
to leave this town behind
Two months till i am free
Yet in this freedom
I will be enslaved
Just another routine
Just more of the mundane
Bring the sun out
I am tired of this rain

2009-05-07T19:35:00.000-07:00

I want to live life where every sentence ends with a question mark
I want to live like every day is my last
I want to act as though it is light. And never dark
I want to Live without a worry
I want to walk under the ladders
I want to live with no cares
I want to not have a plan
Not care where i land
Not careless but worry free
I want to be where i want to be
All of the world i want to see
Watch my past melt away
Leave this town
Never to come back, not even for a short stay
I want to leave
I want to be on my way
Forget about my daughter
Forget about my history
I want to be free
This is my desire
I want to walk through the fire
I want to live without direction
I want to do all that i can
I want to be my own man
Im tired of the constant
The same day after day
I need the repetition to finish
I want to boring to diminish
Two months left till my life begins
Two months till im gone
Two months till i watch my constants burn
I want to bag up my things
and depart with the girl who wears my ring

I have not forsaken thy blog.... I just have nothing to say

2009-05-01T11:32:00.000-07:00

Sooo I realize that a post is long overdue. Granted i only know of like two people who actually follow my blog. And one is my father. So Sorry pops. But anyway Lets get back on topic. I would first like to explain the reasons for my absence.

A. My life has become very hectic as off late. Between Sylvia, Air force, and the barn i either don't have time to write poetry or when i do have time just flat out don't feel like it. Now you may think i should just write whether i am in the mood or not. But It doesn't work that way for me If i don't feel it then it shows in my writing. Nothing flows, Everything seems forced and i tend to resent the piece i produce. So i just don't and in the meantime my blog gathers cyber-dust

B. Inspiration. Its not that i lack it at all. Its that when i am struck by it I am in the barn working and don't have time to grab a pad and pen. Or I do get inspired and its about Sylvia which requires the poem to be posted on the blog i created just for things i write for her. Sadly I have thought it best to keep between me and her so You guys reading Whatmymindtellsme go even longer without a post.

C. I actually think i am changing as a person. In the past few months My world has been turned upside down and thrown all around. Some good some bad. but either way through all the turmoil i have changed. and i would like to be able to say that i have changed for the better. But in changing i have started to lose passion for things i once held dear to myself. One of those things is the written word. Not only have i almost stopped writing entirely i have also dropped reading. Its not that i no longer enjoy either of those things but its just that they no longer rank as high on my list of "lifes little pleasures"

Now that you know why i haven't posted in so long what are we to do?

A. I just quit. Drop the blog and say oh well. I mean i leave in two and a half months anyway so what does it matter if i quit now. I highly doubt that i would be able to post poems regularly in the air force anyway.

B. Change the blog itself. Now this wouldn't be to much a change from its original intent. the blog is merely suppose to be an outlet for me. Which in being said outlet it became a place to share my poetry. But i think if i change the blog it would become a place where i post whats going on in my life. This seems like a good option as it would be helpful in keeping my friends and family updated with my life when i depart for the military.

C. I post my old poems. I have a boatload of them in a envelope thing on my desk. It would be easy to do just most of them don't hold much meaning to me anymore so it would become more of a chore for me than a outlet to express myself

So really here's where i ask for your help. ALL TWO OF MY READERS!!!! I need you to comment, text me what you think i should do, or walk down the hall and hold a conversation with me about it. THANKS GUYS.

2009-04-05T05:48:00.000-07:00

Come on now
Place that head down
Two step along with the rest
Heads low
cause we don't need no arrogant stance
To know we are the Best.
Now let me offer you a chance
COME Lock Down
Throw down
Ace this test
WE are the revolution
The next step in Evolution
Join us and see the light
No need for fright
Lock Down
Bite Down
and Take Hold of your life
Place Down your silly knife
Let your fists control This Fight
Its your right
Come Join our Fight
Come See the Light
Do it now
Don't wait till later tonight
For By dawn the battles lines will be drawn
If your not with us we shall see that you are gone

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Now playing: My Chemical Romance - Mama
via FoxyTunes

(Comment on what you think the title should be)

2009-03-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

A legend in the making
Leave a room shaking
Lyrical bombshells
Take you from suburbia heaven take you to hell
take you down to where i dwell
I am the light
Helping you realize the inner fight
Help you take a life
Darkness will surround our every motion
Im a child of chaos.
born to cause commotion
Evil at its best
Placing all your rules to the test
Forsaken by all
Refusing to answer your call
I have become a tool
Used to help the evil, sinister, cruel
I plant doubt
Hear those doubts go from a whisper
To a shout
DEATH, Chaos, DESTRUCTION
Is what this game is all about
Born a child to be left alone
No here i am all grown
Riding Solo is all i know
Fear Doubt and regret
what i love to sow
Born to watch you sink so low
Born to bring death
Born to take away
Born to leave you with nothing left
Here i am
Here i stand
Blade in hand
Doing what i was born to do
To my purpose i must stay true
Now watch as this
beast in me
slowly
kills
you.

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Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Too Much
via FoxyTunes

Tears Choked Back

2009-03-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

We speak of suicide
As if it's as normal
as the occurrence of the ocean tide
We talk as though a goodbye is too informal
Instead a knife we take
and off we ride
We want no tears shed
Want no one to ponder Why in their head
We don't want your sympathy
We have no need for apologies
We simply want to depart
To ride to the land below
We want this final act
to be viewed as just another fact
As no big deal
Our own lives is all we will steal
so now we plan our end
Soon we will be off
We will not say sorry
Will not say goodbye
Will not say you were loved
For Our last words shall not be lies.

The one with no title

2009-03-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

I leave this untitled
Cause I am tired of your name
Im writin you outa my life
Saying goodbye to your petty high school games
Cutting you off; cutting you out
Tired of the lies
Tired of your disguise
You paste a smile on that face
Act like you got it all in place
But i see through it all
I am watching you fall
You think you run this show
But you're gettin left behind
and on the rest of us will go
You thought you could be my everything
You thought I would be your king
Well now Know, and experience the sting
Of coming to the realization that;
YOUR NOTHING ! ! !
Your not worth my time
Not worth another rhyme
your nothing to me
Im cutting you off
Cutting you out
Leavin you behind
So hear me speak to you
One last time
Bye ...

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Now playing: ROSE & BRIDGE - Desperation
via FoxyTunes

Junkie

2009-02-26T16:24:00.001-08:00

I'm a junkie
you're My fix
Im standin on the corner
my skin crawling with anticipation
For your healin touch
Your voice and the emotional rush
Im pacin back and forth
You my my my fix
Come to me
Come to me quick
you and only you can do the trick
Come Come
Heal me
take me take me
Steal me
and carry me away
Im all yours
be all mine
Come and consume me
Entrap me
and yet in this slavery called love
You set me completely free
Come Come
Babe Please
FREEE MEEEE

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Now playing: Nathanson, Matt - Come On Get Higher
via FoxyTunes

Its that time again

2009-02-25T17:49:00.000-08:00

Tired and confused
Battered and bruised
So I Sit
And I wish
That one day
when i'm old and grey
I can look back on this mess
and say
"I see it now!"
"It all makes sense!"
"There was a point to that pain"
I just want the reason!
I want to know why
Its all clouds and rain
and why the sun is hidden in this sky
Its that time again
eleven eleven
lets have childish dreams
Lets make a wish

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Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Say Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

Warning im gonna write my thoughts as they occur

2009-02-20T15:00:00.000-08:00

The words aren't really coming to me right now.
The pen goes in circles not able to form words.
My mind is blank
And so the page stays the same
You know what
I'm in all honesty tired of this game.
The whole he said she said bullshit
Talk to me, tell me whats good
DOnt talk shit behind my back
Dont tell me you love me
when your going to go behind my back like that
If you dont give two shits about me
Tell me that.
Dont Hide behind a four letter word you don't mean

NEW SUBJECT
hey go ahead do some more coke
We all think your a joke
It doesnt make you cool
Ya we all look up to those who drop out of school
I love you so much bro
But honestly you alienate me more and more
With each time you reach for that blow
You never could stay away could you
never could be honest or speak whats true
Come on man look at you
do you like what you have become
Do you like to see what you have done
You could have been so much
You had such potential
but you threw it all away
for what?
to have fun for just today?
DUDE!
what about your future
What about Your friends
What about blake?
You can't even stay clean for her sake
Honestly she deserves better
Dont know why i wasted my time asking her to write a letter
She deserves a MAN
Not a boy who doesnt understand consequences
She deserves so much
Not your callous touch
DUDE
get it together
And call me when your clean
Until then
Dont waste my time
Or destroy another persons life
sorry if this is to raw, to mean
but let me know when your gonna be my "scene"
*************************************************
WOW that was intense i feel bad
but good
feel like i got that off my chest
and like a weight has been lifted
Im kinda afraid to reread this for the fact that i wont want to post
So i set it to autopost at 8 tonight.
Im going to reread it
***************************************************
I LIKE IT
I reread it and liked it
Wow
That never happens
Hmmm what now?
think i am gonna see whats good at the cottage
Even though i know its a boring over there
as it is here
but its all good
cause ill blast my ipod on the way over
and let BMTH tell me its all good
Let me get it out
HEll might even shout
out those lyrics
Wow im a dork

God Emporer Of Dune.

2009-02-18T15:57:00.000-08:00

Oh, Great Shai-Halud

Why did you leave when the sand turned to mud?
Oh, how i miss the true Fremen and their ways

For there are only Museum Fremen today

Oh, What happened to the great Atriedies line

Oh, Look at the God Emperors hefty fine

When He chose the golden path

Oh, Imagine being victim to Duke Leto the seconds wrath

What happened to the great Duncan Idahos

How easily they went from friend to foe

Oh, what happened to it all

Why didn't it end with the assassination at the great wall

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Now playing: Dave Matthews Band - Say Goodbye
via FoxyTunes

Depression.

2009-02-18T15:50:00.000-08:00

I think of my past
And wonder how long this depression will last

From joy and laughter i'm secluded
I have become paranoid and excluded

This battle i fight
Is against loneliness and fright

How i long
to sing a song
Of happiness and all that's gay
But for now this depression stays
With no plans to relocate
So here i am left in this awful state
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Now playing: He Is Legend - Eating A Book
via FoxyTunes

Cut Me Cut Me Deep. Grant Me A Never Ending Sleep

2009-02-18T15:31:00.000-08:00

here i am knife in hand
the pain makes it hard to stand
i see red and fly so high i cant land
this pain is my only momentary gain
yes yes leave the bloody stains
let me see let me see
run run trickle down my arm
this is my alarm
you cant see
but this is what helps me
i feel lifted up and free
i feel alive
its my outcry
i need it i can not lie
so i grab i slice just one more time
i no longer care who sees
this is what makes me freee
oh yes you sting oh yes you sting
but you are the one thing
you lift me up you are my wings
save me and destory me
come heal me and cut me
knife knife knife
in death you are bringing life
here is my answer to my strife
bleed bleed bleed
my peace is what you feed
you are what i need
red red red
bloodstains on the bed
a light and empty head
come on not many cuts just a few
lets feel alive true
release the pain the only way
there are no words to say
just slide slide slide
cuts you no longer need to hide
come on the blade is out thats it
skin skin its wat the blade must hit
yes yes yes there is the red
you feel it yet the peace in your head
come on come on once more
and again again until your dead
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Now playing: Bring Me The Horizon - Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick
via FoxyTunes
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For those who read my blog... I Wrote this a while back promise

2009-02-18T14:48:00.003-08:00

I really want to share the others but i keep the special ones for just you and me.

<3

Open up those eyes and see the world

2009-02-13T14:13:00.001-08:00

How I wish you could see
That your amazing.
This is said with all honesty
Your the girl about which they sing
But you don't see it?
Why?
This question consumes my mind
Your beauty is so radiant
But you don't see it? you say you simply cant?
Open your eyes girl
That amazing set of blue topaz
Should fall upon the same beauty
That we are blessed to be able to see.
And its not just your body
Granted you are quite the hottie mc dottie
But its YOU!
Its how you make me so happy
Its how when I'm talking to you the world melts away
Its how the words "I'm bored" can start a convo that lasts days.
Please
Open your eyes
And see
Fact: You are Pretty....

The Road Ahead

2009-02-02T17:38:00.001-08:00

Baby, This Path I Take
Is Bound To Be Riddled With Mistakes
But The Path Is Wide;
So Walk At My Side
Come Take This Calloused Hand
And TOGETHER We Shall Find New Land
At Times We May Have To Spread Apart
But In The End We Will Be Together Like At The Start
You Said Yourself It Feels Right
So TOGETHER Lets Take Flight
Let Us Blaze A New Trail
Let Us Leave Harbor And Set Sail
So As We Saddle Up And Get Ready To Ride
And You Gather By My Side
Let Us Look Ahead
And Let The Past Lie Dead..

Just a lingering thought

2009-02-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

If Hitler in all his messed up Ideologies
can get a girlfriend
what does that say about me?
Or is the fact that women
never fall for us sweet quiet types
or is it that I'm a fruit that will never ripe
Where have i gone wrong
or did i put to much faith in a silly girl leading me on
Its Just a thought
but now my thoughts are all Ive got
so i leave you with one;
just one lingering question
What is wrong with me?

Stumble Upon

2009-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

Stumble It!

S is for Stained

2009-01-15T19:08:00.000-08:00

Here we are yet again
staring down this fork in the road
the point where a choice must be made
The point where you decide where track is to be laid
I sit hammer, nails, and beams in hand
the train stands by waiting to travel on new land
you stand and pretend to ponder
an answer you pretend to lack
but your minds already made up
You knew who you really wanted miles back
You bring up your face
you look at me. Im calm and waiting
you lift you arm and tell me the way
"Just friends" thats the answer i hear you say
I look to the ground realizing this is normal
no need to be picked this time around
So i lay the track
knowing a companion I will lack

boring train rides and a spark of inspiration

2009-01-15T08:21:00.000-08:00

(unnamed and new)

I am born with this fire
This burning animal like desire
You want to go i'm a step away
Here I am
On the top of my land
Teeth clenched fists raised
Come on here I stand
I am calling out your name
Lets begin this game
You step close
Words spoken inaudible now
The hate has taken over
I am alive with this rage
It is the same feeling plastered on every page
So come on you know the deal
I no longer want to feel
You want to run with this train?
Then STEP UP!
Moves in…..
Gentle push to get things started
THAT’S IT ALL SANITY HAS DEPARTED
The beast takes over
I run in. throwing caution with the wind
Fists fly I don’t care where they land
I keep throwing till I can no longer stand
There is this desperation
You fight back now throwing in your jabs
Pain seers through my chest
Who cares whos best
I rise up slowly one hand on my knee
God how this makes me free
Bruised and battered
But calm and collective
Blood runs down my face
Only now do things seem back in place
We regain our composure
Two miss guided creatures
Both bloody both worn out
No more screams no more shouts
We have found our way out
We wrap arms around each others shoulders
Glad to have gotten rid of that boulder
The rock that weighed us down
And we depart
Feeling content amidst the pain
Promising to find a time to vent again
we leave and go about our day
feeling no shame
for we have played our game
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since reading more and more bradley hathaway my whole style has changed i have begun to depart from a system of rhymes and have gone for the style that bradley holds where he writes as he would speak it. with as much fire and passion in his written word as he could ever muster with the words he speaks.

I have not forsaken thy blog promise....

2009-01-08T13:31:00.000-08:00

Where my road ends

My mind is spinning
I know I'm no longer winning
I'm Tired of this world
I can't take it any longer
I just keep failing
I just feel like wailing
It's over I'm done
I give up, the depression has won
i quit, i fold
I want to leave this world that's so cold
I want to throw it all away
Let me be somewhere where it isn't so gray
This is where i quit
I'm no longer going to be passive and sit
I'm tired of trying to make amends
This is where my road ends.

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Let me know when you grow tired of the teenage angst poured out over tear spotted pages....
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No but before you all flip the lid i wrote this YEARS ago.

Lyrics That Mean So Much Right Now

2008-12-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

Story of a man,
Who decided not to breathe.
Turned red, purple, then blue.
Colorful indeed.
No matter how his friends begged,
Well, he would not concede,
And now hes dead.
You see, cause everybody knows,
You got to breathe.

But, oh god,
Under the weight of life,
Things seem brighter on the other side...
Lighter on the other side...

Another one: see this monkey sitting on a tree,
One day, decided to climb down,
And run off to the city.
Look at him now, tired and drunk
And living on the street.
As good as dead.
You see, a monkey should know,
Stay up your tree.

But, oh god,
Under the weight of life,
Things seem brighter on the other side.
Oh, god,
But under the weight of life,
Things seem much brighter on the other side.

No way, no way, no way.... out... of here...

Another one: a big eyed fish,
Yeah, swimming in the sea,
Oh, how he dreamed.
He wants to be a bird,
Swooping, diving through the breeze.
One day, he caught a big blue wave,
Up onto the beach,
And now hes dead.
You see, a fishs dream,
Should stay in the sea.

But, oh god,
Under the weight of life,
Things seem brighter on the other side.

No way... no way...no way...out... of here...

This Is A True Friend

2008-12-24T07:54:00.000-08:00

im not going to walk away, or tell you that you are to much to handle.
i want to be that voice to tell you to put the blade down.
to tell you to not inhale that cigarette.
the voice that tells you that there is people in the world that truley love you.
the voice that laughs at your sex jokes.
the one who cries when she gets the chance to talk to you because you mean a lot.

Lyrics Are The Words That Make Me Move

2008-12-23T07:41:00.000-08:00

The still life franchise by less than jake

"I remember that I kind of laughed at the sparks that spread the flames
Over all the ugly memories these past three years have made
Then I waited for the smoke to fill my lungs and suffocate my pain away

So I say goodbye and Ill just say so long
Almost feeling paralyzed
My still life with vital signs
And I'll just say so long
My good intentions gone so wrong
Left me feeling so far gone
Well I'm gone, woah, woah.
I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone, I'm gone"

Things that ryhme with orange by i set my friends on fire

"I'm so iconoclastic; I'm clastic!
I only want you to think I'm fantastic.
I'll participate in what you believe,
If you give me the attention!
Yeah, yeah that's the only compensation
I want to be included in your conversation.

So am I "in" or am I "out"
What is there to think about! ?
What is that paint brush for?
Are you preparing to draw me?
No wait, please don't! I am scared,
Of what I'll see...
I'm not a perfect picture portrait,
But I am working on it! "

overrated by less than jake

"Maybe I’m jaded and bored
Always lookin’ for more
Waiting around for the next big fix
I know
I’m a wreck I’m a mess
But I couldn’t care less
Don’t know what it would take to change me

Everybody's so afraid to be different
Please excuse me now if I don’t get it

I think sex is overrated
So is always getting wasted
Designer drugs and dead end jobs and
Classic rock is so outdated
I’m so sick of therapy and all the things it’s done to me
How can I be satisfied when everything is overrated?"

I think i love you by less than jake

"Believe me you really don't have to worry
I only wanna make you happy and if you say "hey go away" I will
But I think better still I'd better stay around and love you
Do you think I have a case let me ask you to your face
Do you think you love me?"

You Don't Know Me by Ben Folds

"(You don't know me)
You don't know me at all
(You don't know me)
You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)
So easily led astray,
An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
Why the fuck would you want me back?!"

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As you all know this life of mine has been kinda changed lately But i have a good few friends who have helped me through this struggle. and i just want to say thanks.
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Now playing: Ben Folds - You Don't Know Me
via FoxyTunes

You Think You Know But You Have No Idea

2008-12-07T18:53:00.000-08:00

FALLING
Woke Up with a smile on my face
life feels right nothing out of place
You help me feel this way
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
you consume my mind
your the most valuable find
come to me and stay
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
Love swims through these veins
Life feels good when we share the reigns
you make it all seem okay
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
Your the song i place on repeat
so glad we were able to meet
you make the world melt away
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
come let me wrap you up in my arms
let me keep you from harm
you make me happy
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
Falling so fast feeling so right
Lets do it this all again tonight
come in my arms and stay

I Didn't post this for the reason you believe. So don't leave dumb comments about my non existent love life

Waiting

2008-12-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

Waiting
I sit here waiting
w/out Knowing what to look for
i sit here waiting
for opportunities to open its door
i sit here waiting
w/out knowing what to look for
i sit here waiting
for a little while more
i sit here waiting
w/out knowing what to look for
i sit here w/out knowing
that if i had just gotten up to look
i wouldn't have missed
what i waiting for
-Josh Herrington-

I was going through an old poetry journal i kept and stumbled upon this. As i read I realized how much this fits my current situation. Hope you enjoy it as much as i did.

The end is near

2008-12-03T19:52:00.000-08:00

Easy way out
how we flirt
lets put this plan to work
one pill two pill three
come inside and destroy me
in death set me free
of the life that has entrapped thee
had a lock now i found the key
set me free
this is my only choice
cant you see
ill produce action wait and see
soon over it will be
come and destroy
come and set free
dont wanna be me
goodbye

How I Felt All Last Week

2008-11-25T21:38:00.000-08:00

Unnamed

I would write what i feel
But words cannot describe
the pain i feel inside
my roller coaster climbed slowly up
But now its rapidly descending
The wounds so deep their not even worth mending
i thought i traveled far
but with the fog gone i can see i only went in circles
the happiness only an illusion
to mask the pain to come
my friends all leaving
i begin the grieving
for the happiness that died inside me
my chains bound I'm no longer free
in my cell i return for eternity
inside i decide
i don't want to leave
because only pain awaits me

Best Movie Quote Ever

2008-11-25T16:27:00.001-08:00

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
[carves V into poster on wall]
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
[giggles]
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Poetry. More of my thoughts in word form

2008-11-19T10:49:00.000-08:00

The Win
Green grass on a calm day
when the wind has left and gone away
feeling the warm leather on your hand
seeing the hastily made footprints in the sand
feeling the sweat under your hat
as you prepare for the sing of the bat
as the ball flys toward the plate and the bat is swung
the connection is grand
in the sand new prints are quickly made
the ball launched toward shortstop
and is hastily caught and released
to meet with the baseman
to end the last and final inning
and have the feilders rejoice in winning
-Joshua M. Herrington-

I wrote this for school but every time I read it I realize how much I actually enjoy it. This is one of the few pieces I wrote that was not inspired by my depression or personal problems. I Hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

A Journey Inside the Soul of the Ashamed

2008-11-15T19:58:00.000-08:00

Lust
Why does poison taste so sweet
Why does suicide feel so great
Why this act so addictive
Why this sin do I constantly repeat
A cry for help is a cry for shame
This beast so hard to tame
This guest I invite and entertain
And yet hate and want to shove outside
About it I have constantly lied
I it is loved and yet despised
And to let this beast live or die
Is a battle that rages inside.

I wrote this poem about two years ago when I was really struggling with lust and pornography. This Poem actually really helped me visualize the struggle that was going on inside me. It helped me see what I was doing to myself day in and day out. This is probably one of the top five most self-influencing pieces I have written. Every time I open my book to write a new poem i find myself re-reading this piece and being so thankful that I chose to overcome my issue with lust and it gives me new resolve to not allow myself to return down the path that lead me to years of pain.

I will begin to post poetry on a regular basis enjoy

2008-11-13T21:46:00.000-08:00

You are miles away
But yet you feel so close
we speak so openly
share our secrets so boldly
when its just me and you
there is nothing fake words ring true
we shared hopes and dreams
to me you have no idea how much this means
you don't judge you accept
you listen and share
for you as friend i truly care
We need to hang.....

Why my mouth hates me.

2008-11-13T17:58:00.000-08:00

Now I'm sure many of you can think of many reasons of why my mouth hates me. after all how many times has my mouth been the sole reason for the reason i can not participate in activity's i would deem enjoyable. But sadly this is not going to be a story of how my language or story telling got me in trouble. This is a story of why I am not eating. As a lot of you know the big guy up above had decided a months ago to bless me with the ability to grow 2 or3 canker sores at the same time. All my childhood I always saw my fathers have them and saw how much of a nuisance the y were to him little did i know a few years i would have the same issue. So two days ago I awoke with on on each side of my mouth. Which makes it very difficult to enjoy most of my favorite foods. For example last night we had pizza, Today for lunch Caryn made tomato soup and ketchup. And then tonight Brenda friend brought over stew to help Caryn out. So i had the dog upstairs who went ape crap because someone dared to enter his kingdom and so i grabbed fro him to hold him back and he threw his head back and forth and managed to slice open my lip. So now my life pretty much sucks. I am going to have to say goodbye to ketchup and salt for a good few days. I guess the reason for this post was to moan and whine and now that this is accomplished here is some stuff that brought a smile to my face this week....

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Now playing: T.I. - On Top of the World
via FoxyTunes

My Plans For Thanksgiving.

2008-11-11T11:40:00.001-08:00

I am really looking forward to thanksgiving. I will be going down to my parents on the Monday of that week. I will hopefully be able to spend some quality time with both of my sisters. Also I am excited because my train to get there was only eight bucks. Talk about a steal!!! Also I am so happy to say I have found all my Christmas presents and am fairly sure they will be loved by the recipients. I guess that's it for today. also i found this funny hope you do too

I don't even know where to start

2008-11-08T19:14:00.000-08:00

I guess I will start with my nerd speech of the day. As you all know I am a very cheap person. Therefore am against paying for software. So whats a legal way to avoid paying for software.... Freeware. One of the more recent free software i have downloaded is a program called gimp. Gimp is a program that enables on to do many things photoshop would allow you to do. Granted the user interface is crude and not as user friendly as photoshop but it makes up for it in power and most of all price. I recently began playing with Gimp and made what I believe to be several great works for a novice user. So if you are looking for a powerful image editing software for free I highly recommend Gimp. It helped my turn this into this
anyway in my personal life if your still reading by now life is good i just got off the phone with my dad and it looks like i will be able to be home for at least four days. Mayby five if I can get friday off. which would be so nice so my dad wouldn' t have to waste fifty bucks in gas getting me back to middle of nowhere illinois. Anyway I guess thats it for now. I am sure there will be a world of problems awaiting me tomarrow Due to the sunday rush, Jordans mother being in town, and of course the fact that I may not be able to make it to church which im sure will mean a sit down with brenticans about my absenses

Meeting Aryanna

2008-11-07T16:03:00.000-08:00

As most of you know Caryn had her baby on Nov. 5th at 4:21pm. The baby is healthy and so is Caryn. Today everyone arrived home safely. As we speak the 2 day old baby is being passed to left in a circle composed of both babysitters, Jordan, Caryn, And Her Grandmother. While the two year old runs around the house screaming trying to regain the attention of the people who wait on him hand and foot. hopefully he takes the transition well and learns to share the attention. I guess that is it for today. Thanks for reading. Please come back.

What A Night of Xbox Live Zombification Looks Like

2008-11-06T08:52:00.001-08:00

I is So Tired!!!
Ok So great story. halfway through the night my xbox is hot to the touch. It makes sense I mean I was Running the darn thing half the day trying to update my games. Ok now a non-dedicated gamer would turn it off and go to bed, By I am no ordinary nerdfreak I composed a brilliant idea. This brilliant idea included a can of Blow off duster, 3 fans, and a genius nerdfreak. I grabbed all the fans and placed them at the rear and sides of said xbox. I then went and turned said can of Blow off duster upside down and and sprayed freon all over the rear of the xbox. I then continued to play xbox for a good few more hours.

Video Games And The Nerd Inside Me

2008-11-05T11:36:00.001-08:00

Ok.. So I get my school done and decide I want to play some Live on my 360 so I come downstairs and plug it in and get it all set up. Then I go through the long and boring task of updating all my games and the system itself. when I am done with that I through in madden and decide to play some football. So I start it up and Hear: "welcome to ea sports radio." k cool whatever, but wait it goes on to tell me that barack obama was elected president and tells me all the college football games that will be on tonight. How cool is that. Also I just downloaded the Mirrors Edge demo. That game is so amazing. It is parkour on speed.

The Election and Facebook

2008-11-05T08:55:00.000-08:00

If you know me you know I am a Obama supporter. You will also know that on a daily basis 90% of the people I interact with are people that firmly believe that Obama is going to destroy our country. So after last night when Obama was declared president I went and changed my facebook status to: (and I Quote) "Josh Herrington is exclaming Ka-Flippin-Pow and dancing in the computer room." This was soon responded to by one of my friends. They said that i was an uniformed child who was didn't understand how bad this was for our country because i wasn't a christian. then she continued on to say that my status message was very offensive and should be changed. So in order to avoid losing a friend over this I promptly changed my status message. She thanked me and we dropped the issue and went on to speak of other things. However I log onto Facebook this morning and see this status message: "C***b is really not wanting to live in a socialist country ruled by someone w/ no experience who is elitist snob that befriends terrorists (Ayers)." And another status that read: "A*** ******A is wow our country is shot to hell. fuck obama." And another that read: "C****** *******R is congrats America, we just voted a Muslim over a war hero..." Wait it's not over yet, Here's one more: "C********* *******r is selling ticket to mecca, our new capital!!! Cheap Cheap!!!" And yet my comment was insensitive and rude and needed to be removed. Now Mind you I have no problem with the obama bashing status's. I believe it is their right to write whatever the hell they want. But my problem is that I wanted to exclame the happiness i felt through my status message. I did not laugh in Mcain supporters faces like i am sure they would have done to me if their candidate had won. No I merely said what i was doing at the time. So i guess the point i am trying to convey is that before you condemn someone for writing something think of why you are condeming it.

Let Me Explain The Purpose Of This Blog.

2008-11-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

OK first off I would like to explain the reasoning behind this blog. I have created this blog as a outlet to express my feeling on a matter that I have confronted on the date the material is posted. This blog is a way to express myself. I really do not plan to set many guidelines for my blog other than to only to talk about what is on my mind. If the content of my Blog offends you please feel free to talk to me about it. But that doesn't mean anything will be changed. So Thanks again for visiting my blog and hope you can make it habit.